Not Just a Website
Social networks have grown from a few simple sites where you post a profile and connect with friends to worldwide, all-inclusive platforms for web applications. Taking Facebook as an example, members can post links, pictures and videos, and even record video from within Facebook. There are hundreds of games and applications that let you share your in-app accomplishments with your network. And you can even "check in" to locations, sharing where you are at any given moment with the world. It is possible, if you want, to publish nearly everything you see, do, or think via Facebook.
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Why do social networks want you to share ever-increasing amounts of information about yourself? Simple: targeted advertising. It's those ads that show up in your news feed that know (in my case) that you're a climber, or engaged, or that you like Apple products. The ability of companies like Facebook to bill themselves as an ad space is dependent on their ability to encourage you to share ever-increasing details about your life and preferences.
Scary Stuff
This is a scary thing, especially for parents of teens who may want to do just that. Even if you think you're protected by limiting your sharing to just real life friends, it's still very easy for a "friend" to share information from your profile or posts, and to copy and repost something publicly. For this reason, you really do have to consider everything you put online to be public.
This can be a problem, since it's a common practice of schools and employers these days to check out applicants on social networking sites. In addition, you have to recognize that even if you do everything right, the things that show up on your page are not entirely under your control; much of that content comes from your friends. The question here is, is social networking to blame? Do schools and employers have a problem with people posting inappropriate things on Facebook, or with inappropriate things showing up on your page? Isn't the problem that such things were done at all? That you have friends that would speak in ways that would get you into trouble at work? In the words of another educator, social media doesn’t cause unprofessional or inappropriate behavior. It catches it. I think it's important to recognize that it's not inevitable that you'll be embarrassed online, if you make responsible choices.
Of course, there are other reasons to be scared of social networking. A study by psychologist Larry D. Rosen shows that using Facebook can lower self-esteem and breed narcism, while being addicting and distracting. Then there's the extension of teenage life online, which includes the potential for regular teen drama exposed to the world. The following is an episode of WNYC's Radio Rookies that details the lure and pitfalls of Facebook Drama.
Sometimes the drama goes beyond small hurts, and becomes truly tragic. Even though there's a lot of sensationalism and myths around bullying, the consequences can be real. Many instances of cyber-bullying have been documented in the news recently, including the suicide of Tyler Clementi, a student at Rutgers who jumped off the George Washington Bridge after his roommate filmed and broadcasted Tyler's romantic encounter with another young man.
The Brighter Side
On the other hand, there is a lot to recommend social networking. It's our 21st Century version of word-of-mouth; where we can go for news, advice, or to spread a message. Social networks are incredibly an fast, distributed form of communication, which can be very powerful in places where the traditional media (TV, radio, newspapers) is controlled by a small minority. This is clear from looking at the revolutions of the Arab Spring, none of which would have been possible without the social media campaigns that brought democratic activists together. In general, social networks have become a key way that people with limited resources can reach many people free of charge. That is why social media is now an important part of most modern business strategies.
Even the darkest tragedies of social networks have their flip side. In 2009, a teenager in the UK was chatting on Facebook and told a girl in Maryland that he intended to kill himself. The girl told her mother, who called the police, who called the White House, who called the British Embassy, who called the police in Oxfordshire, who went to the boy's house. They found that he had, in fact, taken an overdose, but was still conscious and able to be brought to the hospital. The very thing that is scary to many parents, that children are more likely to share intimate, personal details about themselves online, things they would never say to a person face-to-face, actually saved this boys life.
How to Live with the Inevitable
So given all of this, and the fact that social networking is as much a part of the social landscape for kids as school or pizza places, how should we protect children?
This is a good time to check your security settings. Every social network lets you exercise some degree of control on who can see what. Some, like Google+, think of these controls as their main draw to users. Facebook, on the other hand, seems to continually change their privacy settings to try to keep people off-balance. But didn't I say that everything on these sites should be thought of as public anyway? True, you may not be safe if you ever try to run for office, but you can still protect yourself from casual perusal. Facebook hides all the stuff they don't want you to do behind this innocuous looking button in the upper right hand corner:
See?
It's also good to know what Facebook has to say about all the stuff you might be worried about. The Facebook Family Safety Center will give you some nice corporate advice, but also includes more helpful parts like getting an image of your child removed and the Different Privacy Settings for Teens.
Most parents will also want to know about the options for monitoring their children's activities online. I can't recommend any particular services since I've never used them, but you can find reviews and downloads at download.com and pcmag.com by searching for "parental control" or "monitoring." These primarily come in three types
- Online apps that plug in to social networks to send parents reports or warnings
- Software that restricts access to certain sites on a computer
- Software that records information like websites visited and passwords
All of these have significant limitations. The first category generates their reports by communicating directly with the social network using the user's login information. They present a useful opportunity to discuss the dangers with your child and let them know that you're watching out for them using this tool. On the other hand, if your child decides to remove the application or create another account, or sign up for some other network you don't know about, they are no longer effective.
The second category lets you restrict access, but this is limited to devices you control in your own home. Even assuming your kids don't have access to other computers or Internet connected devices, there are literally hundreds of websites dedicated entirely to helping people circumvent these kinds of web blockers.
Finally, you can choose to secretly install stealth software on your home computers that will record pages visited and text typed, including passwords. From this you may secretly get access to your children's accounts or see what they're getting up to when you're not around. Clearly, this will only work on your own computers, and is increasingly less useful in a world where kids access the Internet from a variety of connected devices at home, at school, at friends houses, on smartphones or tablets, etc.
In the end, I think this is a case of the tighter your squeeze, the more slips through your fingers. What kids need to learn about the Internet is not that Big Brother is Watching, but how and when to trust, what to share, and how to protect themselves from people that want to hurt them. At the same time, the Web will be the dominant medium of their lives (unless something even crazier comes along), and it's important that they learn how to express themselves within that medium.
I overheard a teacher at school say something that I thought made a lot of sense. She was talking about watching TV with her daughter (I think it was Pretty Little Liars). She doesn't like the show, and doesn't love that her daughter is so into it, but she sits and watches, just to know what her daughter is seeing and be able to talk about it. How else is she supposed to know what her daughter is watching, and how it impacts her thinking? Is this a better strategy than simply banning the show? It's certainly more work. As a parent, maybe the only thing you can do about social networking is be there with them.
